Everything is love and light? Pitfalls of modern pop spirituality

At times, it is tiring to open up a social media app - maybe just for entertainment purposes or to see what friends and family are up to... And you get sucked into yet another rabbit hole of spiritual influencers and self-declared gurus who tell you a fairy tale of "everything is love and light." Apparently, we are "all one" and "there is no loneliness," and "pain is an illusion," or "being attacked by others is simply a lesson and a blessing in disguise" and so on and so forth. Modern pop spirituality goes to many lengths to teach about how our feelings and perception should be all positive. But if everything external truly is great and just an expression of love, where does that leave us if we simply feel unwell or even awful? Doesn't this mean in return that we are the problem? Because we cannot feel and see the presence of our spiritual support, the loneliness that we feel has to be an internal issue, right? And if that toxic ex shows up again and we are exposed to abusive behaviour, should we really appreciate the lesson we simply fail to learn?

But is it really an internal problem? Is it really ourself that fails here?

Sometimes this type of content can make one feel crazy or - the very least - wrong. My work as a psychologist and coach often consists of building a client's confidence back up. As a Reiki Energy Healer it becomes my job to help someone trust their intuition again. And here is where all this content online causes more harm than good. This type of content simply increases doubts, fear, denial of the self and emotions.

Just to be crystal clear, the message here is not denying teachings like "we are all one," but (huge but!) it has to be understood in the right context. It is risky business to act like all teachings fit all situations. What makes sense in the spiritual world, does not necessarily meet the situation during a human's experience. Our spirits may be connected. But human beings volunteered to incarnate as individuals. We are meant to experience what we experience during our life. As experiences of life, fear, abuse, loneliness, or other forms of pain are meant to be experienced authentically, not superficially. Gaslighting ourselves, denying what we truly feel, avoiding the true nature of our actual experience are only ways to bypass what we are going through. Pop spirituality seems to have become an express way to bypassing what is happening. It has become another camouflage for toxic positivity.

What are the possible consequences of this?

In my one-to-one work with clients, I focus on spiritual support through Reiki to experience growth, inner peace, closure, balance, and self-love. It may feel healing and therapeutic to some, but this is not psychotherapy. It is not the focus on a clinical diagnosis or revisiting all details from the past. It is the sweet spot between moving forward from what has happened while respecting what the past has brought up. During this work, my client is able to explore together with me, what has led them to this point? What patterns show up and what possibilities seem helpful to break through those? Often enough, the work here is not about educating a client about the true spiritual meaning behind what they go through because that could possibly just minimise or even deny their feelings and their perception of their situation. In fact, helping a client to accept themselves goes a longer way. Psychologically, this makes a lot of sense. Even Carl Rogers, the founding father of one of the most accepted counselling theories, said that only through self-acceptance (possibly provided by the counsellor or therapist) can an individual mobilise the resources to work on their issues. I only disagree in the wording and would like to introduce the term "shadows" in this context. Shadow work is one of the most effective, yet uncomfortable and challenging parts in the work as a Reiki Healer. It requires true honesty, authenticity, empathy, expertise, and a gentle hand to do shadow work with clients.

It seems like online we do not speak about shadows enough or, at least, we deny shadows being acceptable parts within us. This is what I deeply disagree with. Our shadows are possibly one of the main reasons why we volunteer to go through the human experience. Forgetting our previous lives (incarnations) and going through pain is a way to forget who we were. Allowing ourselves to accept our flaws, fears, irrational behaviour, and (sometimes extreme) reactions helps us to work on these areas. Only then are we able to look at ourselves closely and make the decision of either staying this way or wanting to let the pattern go.

Our shadows are what makes us human. Pop spirituality teaches that we are all goddesses and gods. But I strongly disagree. We are humans and that is beautiful. We are not perfect. We are not supposed to be. We are flawed and cast shadows.

As a psychologist, I understand how cruel teachings like that can be for a human, especially someone who went through a lot. If a victim to abuse (who probably already does not feel very powerful at that point) truly believes that every pain is a lesson, they might let their abuser back into their life for that very reason. I regularly have heated discussions with spiritual teachers who preach about this in a way that makes their followers believe it is a sign of weakness to feel pain at all. Or in other words: If you would learn your spiritual lessons properly, you wouldn't feel bothered by toxic people anymore. For a victim this is something dangerous to believe in. Consider someone who suffers in a relationship to a narcissist. In context of narcissistic abuse, victims don't have great choices. Any "solution" they pick will cost them something. If or when they pick to leave the narcissistic partner, their abuser often manages to destroy their reputation and guilt them back into the relationship. This is a very simplified example and most situations in this context are far more complext. But the point is, spirituality shouldn't serve the purpose to deny reality. If a victim is exposed to abuse, the focus should be to help them back into safety and autonomy.

The lack of taking accountability from those teachers is shocking. Risking people's wellbeing and misleading them into self-doubt, confusion, and fear, is not teaching at all. It is toxic and dangerous. But it has become a successful way of binding a following. A teacher should help people to embrace what they are and based on this choose which way they wish to grow - authentically and aligned with their higher purpose.

In terms of shadows, this means to identify the shadows by accepting them, getting to know the shadows to their full extent, choosing to keep them or let them go, and act accordingly.

Not everything is positive. We live in a world of duality. Our spirit tries to make a human experience in this world. Denying the nature of the experience in this environment means to deny life itself. And how spiritual is that at all?